i'm mortal after all..yikes!

when u r away from d ppl u love, u r forced in a short amount of time to accept their mortality.

this thought has been in and out of my mind for d past 2 yrs.. over dat short span of time i've been d receiver of bad news for a couple of times. i mean yes, i admit dat while i was at home i didnt take d time and effort 2 get 2 know these relatives well..i mean 2 me, they were my parents aunts n uncles - my grandaunt and granduncle whom i meet on occassion and the very ppl who keeps commenting on how much i've grown since i last saw them. i guess i took d fact that they were jus mere human for granted. i mean they were part of my family..part of my family's raya visiting list. yes d way i put it sounds really crude n cold but if u sat for a second 2 tink, ponder on this : besides d festive season n d annual visits, do u ever spare a second 2 think of them? most ppl would answer a plain no. for those who do spare them their thoughts, i take my hat off 2 u.

anyway, when i first arrived in NZ my parents were reluctant 2 tell me d 'bad' news..they still do actually but i guess my threats of being really pissed if i found out myself worked..i know they still do keep sum stuff but at least i get a bit of news..thanks momsy n popsy for d news and thanks for thinking dat i'm big enough 2 handle it =) well, i tot i wont feel anythg when i hear d news..as in d ones bout d relatives i'm not close 2..but d fact is, my heart drops at d very mention of it..den comes d flashbacks of either stuff the dearly departed did or of thgs me n d kids used 2 say bout them..den it got me thinking : man, thgs would be so different when i go visiting now..but d weirdest thg dat happens is dat i feel d need 2 be thr next 2 my parents, coz its them who feels d blow most. like when momsy's uncle passed away..d only thg dat was in my mind dat day was how was she coping wif it..being away feeling dis n not being able 2 do anythg except call home is no fun..

it got me thinking of how, in living my life, i've ignored a great deal of ppl..put 1 of my dad's cousin's kids in front of me n i'll tell u dat my knowledge of her is equal 2 my knowledge of d nxt stranger dat crosses my path.its embarrassing 2 admit this, but it is d truth. how many of us takes d effort 2 get 2 know our family members.i guess sumtimes u might be standing next 2 ur 3cousin without knowing it.its sad dat we've come 2 dis..we take more effort 2 know strangers den we do our families..and then d nxt thg u know is dat u've gotten D news. i guess wat Virginia Woolf says happens quite a lot in our lives..dis is what she said 'I have lost friends, some by death - others by the sheer inability to cross the road'

but yea..all d time in ur mind u tink dat u n ur family n everyone around u r either a) invinsible or b)immortal..u take dis fact for granted..or rather i do, until now..i mean yes i still do take it 4 granted most of d time but..well lets jus say i'm adjusting d idea of mortality ;p

[i wrote dis 2 yrs ago after visiting my lecturer in d hospital. to Mr. Jeya : sir, i hope u r feeling sooo much better =)]

life..
wat is it anyway
too short to enjoy
too long to appreciate
i watch each day pass
as it'll never return
i wait for tomorrow to come
but today seems to drag on
so wat is life anyway?

May God bless all of you, watch over you and keep you safe always.. =)