PuRe RaNDomNess!!

2010

2010-03-08T02:27:00.003+13:00

so i have decided that i want this year to be filled with colours - colourful things, colourful people, generally a colour filled yr.

to be more thankful of what i have but still give myself space to complain coz hey, you get complacent if u simply accept everythg as it is. complaining gives way to changes - in a weird way...

to be more accepting of who i am - to start wearing this skin of mine with much more confidence.

to try new things and allow myself to drop them like hot potatoes if i find that they bore me..

i have decided that i'll take each day as a learning because that's the best way, i currently know of, to live your life.

2010 started of on the right foot and God willing, it'll end on the same foot.

i know its kinda late folks but here's to a colourful 2010. =)

When a person really desires something, all the universe conspires to help that person realize his dreams -Paulo Coelho-

Shall I compare thee..

2007-07-20T21:03:00.000+12:00

ever since i've been back home i've travelled almost the entire west coast of malaysia..within 5 days of being home i've been 2 melaka, kl and penang - i guess dats d result of growing up a nomad.. haha

on a sweeter note, i've at the same time, rekindled an old love, renewed a friendship and made a new one..

My love......

I fell in love with Babe since i first laid eyes on him..haha..its true when they say dogs will love u regardless.. but i've just realize dat dis dude is super jealous and craves for attention..but wat 2 do as darren once said -> "dah sayang.."

My Old Friend..

Brandy has since mellowed down. when i first met him, he was eager 2 jump on u. he rarely, if ever listen to any instruction but nowadays he sits when u tell him..

My New Friend..

and of course not 2 be forgotten my new fren MAX.. still tiny but a bit ditsy - d fella still doesn't recognize his own name..

this entire post seems 2 prove one thing -> i'm missing my 2 legged frens.. aside from that i'm getting a daily entertainment in the form of malaysian news and of course being at home has endless eating benefits ;p

I'm having Auckland Withdrawal Syndrome

Our dogs will love and admire the meanest of us, and feed our colossal vanity with their uncritical homage. ~Agnes Repplier

demi negara?

2007-06-03T17:28:00.000+12:00

"If i were two-faced, would i be wearing this one?" ~Abraham Lincoln~

truthfully, i have nothing important or even remotely substantial 2 talk/ write about but i suddenly have this urge of writting something down. but my thoughts this past few days have been revolving around a very touchy subject to many.

Its about patriotism. I mean i know the meaning of the word - love for one's country, willingness 2 sacrifice for it etc but..What does it REALLY constitute?

Is it the verbal declaration, on mountain tops for all to hear, that we have of our love of our country? The home sickness that comes once we’re off shore? Or is it the great irritation dat we feel when some one declare : er where is it in comparison 2 singapore?

Is it patriotism at its best when we fly our flags from every nook and corner of our homes? Or is it more patriotic to criticize every country but our own?

Am I less patriotic if I criticize the darling land? Am I a traitor if I dare speak a word of ill regarding its government and people?

Is my friend less patriotic if he supports Manchester United rather den the national team? Or is it politically incorrect to snigger when it is mentioned that the football team might just have a chance against Indonesia?

Am I an ungrateful citizen when I speak or write in a language that is not my own like what I’m doing now? Am I a traitor to seek gains and experiences abroad instead of contributing to the GDP of my beloved nation?

Do I have a colonized mind when I speak up for myself and have a stance that is unlike the common public? Am I less of a patriot when I have doubts of us achieving 2020?

Is it wrong for me to fall in love with another country?

2007-04-13T22:50:00.000+12:00

I thought I’d stop writing here. Stop complaining and stuff…

But I guess wat I really want 2 do is stop thinking. Stop trying 2 figure out. Stop feeling the need 2 care and rectify - so as to stop feeling useless.

I did for a long while actually. I could read the news without getting all riled up (but the bush still manages 2 piss me of at the sight of him). In fact I lost interest in reading them. I’ve even avoided political/serious conversations lately focusing more on trivial matters. The last serious conversation I had was months ago with my dad n bro at breakfast. I’ve lately even managed 2 laugh my head off at the various statements that our beloved leaders have been making lately - without the sad sigh at ugly theatrics they r putting up 4 the world 2 c.

But after all that attempt of being an airhead / bimbo I got bored. I started 2 space out in the middle of conversations unless of course they were really juicy gossip (hey a gal needs a healthy dose of gossip k – so shoot me). How do they stand it I dun understand. Instead I started to have conversations with myself - creating scenarios that were a tad more interesting than my reality (looks like my bro has his 1st patient in me).

Another reason is that my drive 2 write anything has been on a stand still. That is frustrating. My brain is like an abyss which is sad and I can’t seem to hold a thought for long. Every writing attempt is on a hold – even writing this takes time dun even bother with poems. I miss them actually.

I guess at the end of the day my subconscious is wishing that my life stays put as it is – no change… time 2 face the music brat! aih wat do I do with me…

I think Taiwanese series are killing my brain cells.. but wat can a gal do? I’m addicted!

Hopefully this sad hiatus will end…but then again..

the tragedy of life is not death, but what we let die inside of us while we live - Norman Cousins -

irony

2006-12-13T07:02:00.000+13:00

i'm getting sentimental/nostalgic these days...even popsy thinks so. weird.

all i ever wanted when i was growing up was to go far far far away from home. by 12 i wanted out of the house..but of course thgs din go my way..at 16 i got my ticket out -> boarding school. like many other human being, i was (and still am in matters concerning to that school) very ungrateful. i mean i got out of the house den i started to complain bout d school so i went home tonnes.

i turned 18 in a different state from my parents. trust me when u r a kid who had celebrated 17 birthdays at home, this was a change to say the least -> my birthdays keep falling when i'm away from home since then.

20th birthday in a whole new country. no blood, jus the family i made in college..i've been emotionally dependent on them since i've been here..they've kept me partially sane. but the independence, that i savour - no restriction, no rules.

now after 3 yrs here, the one thg i pine for is the same thg i was willing to give up in a flash when i was 12, HOME. my sanity now depends on it - ironic.

Mr. Tan, i tink ur right, NZ has turned me into a softie.. damn wool!

be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. -Dr. Seuss-

square one

2006-11-16T23:38:00.000+13:00

You know there’s this line that they tend to use in movies and dramas: “one step forward and 5 steps back.”

It seems to be happening so much these days. One step forward towards happiness and you tend to take 5 steps backwards and lend your ass straight into despair. Interesting, no? A repetitive and a stable of life it seems. You know when I used to baby-sit my then baby cousins, I used to love making them laugh. Babies and kids have the most genuine laughter –no faking it to ‘jaga hati’ no sympathy laughs- that seems to instantly make anyone within the vicinity brighten up. But in doing that, my grandma, aunts and my mom even, used to tell me this: don’t make them laugh too much they’ll have nightmares at night. Some used to tell me: don’t be too happy, you’ll cry later. I used to think that it was dumb. I mean seriously.. What’s the connection really? But I guess this has a certain twisted logic to it somehow.

Maybe it’s because when you are having fun too much, you leave your cares behind.. Being care free, I believe, also comes with a down side – you are unprepared and unguarded. so then, a sudden jolt, no matter how subtle it is causes you to come crashing down without your usual safety nets- no barriers no ‘softer’ landing spot option = DAMN painful!

I guess that is how it’s been in that country of mine.. All this time we’ve been so caught up with the cool stuff and we do have that tendency of sweeping things under the rug. Our GDP this quarter was such and such *hoorah!* another great thing happens in our country *hoorah!* some Australian dude whose mom was a Malaysian got into Phd at a young age *hoorah!*. And then of course one thing, just one dumb statement, causes a destructive, unattractive domino effect that not only unveils the ugly side of our ‘respected’ politicians but also to shame us all. How the hell did we manage to elect people with no manners is beyond me. To add to our shame, people whose tolerance level is on par with a tiger whose territory is breached.

Owh, well educated people are they? If they are so well educated what the hell is going on? These darn donkeys are causing more havoc than the time of emergency and may 1969 put together. It’s as if they never went to any of their history classes. And to make matters worst, some of these idiots are the descendants of those who fought for our independence. (Note: those who fought for our independence are not only confined to the politicians of those days.)

And then a new selling point begins: because we, Malaysians, are made up of so many different races, we have to work harder then the rest for harmony. To that I’d like to say just one simple, common word: BULLSHIT!

Whenever any of us complains that something is hard momsy will always tell us this: “if that’s the case, even going to the toilet is hard.” The easiest solution to me is to put these donkeys in kindergarten - no, not to teach them basic manners, though they are sorely in need of that, but for them to observe kids. Before their brains are contaminated by their parents mind sets, kids befriend anybody regardless of race and colour. They play together even eat together. No nonsense about blood contamination should you accidentally touch each other. All they do is smile and say hi do you want to play and in that split second a friendship is forged – no petty questions like ‘ooo, where are you from?” or “ are u Indian/Chinese/Malay?” simple, no?

But sadly that’s where the simplicity ends coz primary school is a new story. I can say that from experience coz I clearly remember my mom giving me a long lecture about how frens are frens regardless when I said this when she picked me up from school (around std 2/3): ‘Ma, you know my Chinese fren said..’ I din even get to finish that sentence because she lauched into this:

M: what Chinese fren? Is she less of a fren because she’s Chinese?
Z: no.. I didn’t say that…
M: then don’t call her your ‘Chinese fren’ either call her by her name or just say your fren. I didn’t teach you that. So what was it you were going to tell me about?
Z: my fren so and so (can’t remember who it was) said….
(note: this is a condensed version of lecture)

Yea that’s one of the conversations I remember so clearly. More people should teach their kids that way. Maybe I should talk momsy into giving a seminar on this to our dear politicians. We’ll call it, TOLERANCE 101.

The happy people I know have frens from various backgrounds. It is because they don’t confine themselves to a certain sect of the society that they are not riddled with curiosity that turns vindictive. The key to it is for us all to be colour blind. We should make frens not because we are of the same race or religion. Make frens just because. It makes a bit of sense now when people say “curiosity kills a cat”. People get curious, people wonder and because they have an ego as high as the Twin towers they won’t do the simplest of things which is to bloody ask. When they don’t ask, their paranoid selves come up with of course baseless excuses to qualm their curiosity.. you get the drift.

I'm praying hard that what's happening back home is not taking us 5 steps back because to land our arses into the depair of racial tension is to not only wrong ourselves and the future generation (since the politicians love to play the future generation card) but also our forefathers who trusted us to make our home a land we'd all be proud of. But so far, i think Mark Twain was right when he said: history may not repeat itself but it sure as hell rhymes.

Human diversity makes tolerance more than a virtue; it makes it a requirement for survival

-Rene Dubos-

the list that skipped 44

2006-11-10T00:04:00.000+13:00

At your request Miss Ng ~

1. full name: Zafirah Izyan Zeid
2. name backwards: Diez Nayzi Harifaz
3. Were you named after someone: nope. I’m named after me<-got confirmation k.
4. meaning of name: Zafirah = victorious, successful Izyan = my gift
5. nickname: Zafirah, Zaf.
6. screen name: zafirah
7. D.O.B: 5 days b4 Merdeka, yr of the rat.
8. place of birth: country’s capital
9. nationality: Malaysian
10. current location: Sheepland
11. star sign: Virgo
12. religion: Muslim
13. height: 179 cm <- there stop asking already!
14. weight: 58kgs.
15. shoe size: 8/9
16. hair colour: black I tink…
17. eye colour: Dark brown
18. who do you look like: like me la. Hehe. Ok fine. I look like my dad n inherited my mom’s smile. Happy?
19. innie or outtie: innie
20. leftie or rightie: Rightie
21. gay, straight, bi or others: straight
22. best friend : no specific person. Plus I’d rather jump of a cliff than risk choosing one.
23. best friend you trust most: my siblings wif my life, my parents wif my very existence, my darling cousin wif my nutty-ness, my girls wif my secrets n dreams =) (I guess u shud change it 2 friends then)
24. favourite pals: my books. <- seriously wat sort of question is this?
25. best friend of opposite sex: hmmm… my dad.
26. best buddies: the thoughts in my head. They tend to drive me nuts but den again what doesn’t?
27. boyfriend or girlfriend: none in picture
28. crush: shall remain nameless coz I duno their names and also simply coz I believe they r meant only 2 be seen and nothg else.<-surely u’ve heard of the term ‘cuci mata’.
29. parents: best frens, hangout buddies, stabilizer and tranquilizer, support system, idols, cloud nine antidote.
30. worst enemy: my lazy bones mostly
31. favourite online guy: 2 bros (they r hilarious I tell u) n Mr Tan (my weekly dose of semi sanity)
32. favourite online girl: sister (whenever she’s there<-which is rarely)
33. craziest friend: i’ll have 2 say Miss Ng coz her name’s the only one that pops up when I saw this question. Tried to tink of others but 2 no avail darling.
34. advice friend: the girls n the family. Owh ya recent addition => Mr Tan.
36. person you cry with: the sister and d bangsar aunt.
37. any sisters: one
38. any brothers: two nutcases
39. any pets: nil. Unless u take into consideration d family’s pets den its dozens!40. any disease: permanent insanity that and sunshine withdrawal syndrome.:p
41. pagers: wah… I’d rather not be any more accessible then I am now.
42. personal phone line: Yup
43. cell phone: u’huh
45. pool or hot tub: pool
46. a car: in my dreams
47. your personality: giving that away spoils my fun!
48. driving: Love it! Necessity back home <-man I miss driving :( will never understand ppl who doesn’t find it a necessity.
49. room: a whole lot of me time
50. what’s missing: the family and their abundance of hugs and noise.
51. school: CGL primary, CGL secondary, MGSS Mlk and a boarding school I’d rather not name.
52. bed colour: white n green
53. relationship with parents: won’t have it any other way =)
54. believe in yourself: most of the time
55. believe in love at first sight: nope. Coz 1st sight might be way off especially when I dun wear my glasses.
56. good listener: I’d like to tink so.
57. get along well with parents: Yup yup yuuuuupppp!!!!
58. save email conversations: Depends.
59. pray: this is between me n God and nobody else. Understood?
60. believe in reincarnation: Nope
61. make fun of people: trying to keep it to a minimum but some people makes it impossible.
62. like to talk on the phone: not really. But considering I’m at the end of the world, this is the only decent alternative I’ve got.
63. want to get married: yea I guess…not now tho…crazy meh?
64. like to drive: yup yup yup!!!
65. motion sickness: rarely
66. eat stem of broccoli: Yup. I love broccoli =)
67. eat chicken with fork: yup
68. dream in colour: not 2 sure…hmmm…
69. type with your fingers on home role: ????
70. sleep with stuff animals: yup.
71. next to you: cup of coffee, box of biscuits, bottle of water, can of 100 plus and a table full of papers and stationery. (remnants of d dreadful torture)
72. on the walls of your room: reminders, sayings, wallplanner, postcards and the world map
73. on your mousepad: ppl use touchpad la..
74. dream car: a BMW (at this point of time any model is a dream..haha..sense the desperation?)
75. dream date: at d risk of sounding pompous, I dun/ haven’t thought of that. Seriously..
76. dream honeymoon spot: haven’t thought of that either. Not on my list of thgs to do yet. Got other better things to tink of k.
77. dream husband or wife: have u met my dad?? That’s d yardstick folks! Hahahahaha…78. bedtime: whenever I fall asleep. No specifics. I’ve got d worst body clock around <- quite a few can vouch for this.
79. under your bed: flatten boxes. <- enough to transport my whole room to another location ;p
80. single most important question: what is my purpose?
81. bad time of a day: 1st thg in the morning <-chirpy ppl keep out.
82. Your worst fear: being the world’s access baggage
83. the weather is: TOTAL CRAP. freaking 4 seasons in a day. i saw d change from sunshine ->rain ->HAIL ->rain and bright sunshine again within the span of ONE HOUR!!
84. time: 0030
85. date: 10th November 2006
86. Best trick did on someone: owh I’ve got a box load of that…
87. theme song: currently its Home by Michael Buble.
88. hardest thing about growing up: sticking out. <-din happen till i was a teenager actually..
89. funniest experience: owh man where shud I begin? With d family and frens I have, this is another box load.
90. scariest experience: eg: form 1 CGL. Confronted by 4 huge ass form 5 lesbians(2 of whom were trouble makers on d principal’s watch list)for a dumb prank an acquaintance pulled that i had no clue about. <- ended up being constantly looked after by d principal for d rest of d yr when she found out.
91. silliest thing you have ever said: i’ve a knack of doing this all the time so I won’t for the life of me know what’s the silliest.
92. scariest thing while you are with your friends: getting stranded in the seremban KTM station at midnight having missed d last train 2 kl, with nowhere 2 go and having a bunch of scary taxi dudes offering rides. Fren in question: Ms. Kamarudin
93. worst feeling: being 21 and feeling that I’ve done nuts wif my life <-not fun I tell u.
94. best feeling in the world: going home after 2 years - When the flight attendant announced: “For those visiting, welcome to Malaysia. For returning Malaysians, Welcome HOME”
95. AND NOW THE SABOTAGING BEGINS!!! CHOOSE 8 TO DO THE QUIZ!!
i) my conscience
ii) miss indah
iii) Piah (if u ever read this dat is :))
iv) Rynn
v) the sister if u ever read this..
vi ) shermayne
vii) ying swan
viii) surprise me :)

'To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting. ' ~e.e. cummings, 1955

of muruku and ketupat

2006-10-19T14:29:00.000+13:00

Dearest friends,

there's so much bull to be observed amongst our politicians these days. their fights has become so petty that i would love to brush it aside as dumb 2 yr olds squabbling (but i fear that i would insult the 2 yr olds with this statement) but i can't overlook it due to the effect that its having on so many party's feeling.

but with so much festivity coming up, i'll keep that grumble for another day. today, i'd like to wish everyone a very

Happy Deepavali & Selamat Hari Raya!!!

may good things continue to triumph over the bads in your lives and maaf zahir batin ya! may these auspicious days bring good things your way :)

have loads of goodies and have a great time with your love ones coz i believe this is the time when you should spend some extra time with them :) i'll be envy-ing u guys from afar coz i so want 2 eat muruku and also balik kampung. thank God for good friends then.

by the way to those of you who are still wondering if they can celebrate wif each other, this is wat the PM said in The Star today:

“It does not mean that a non-Muslim will be going to the mosque and a Muslim will be going to the temple to take part in religious rites or activities, just because we celebrate Kongsi Raya. This is certainly not it.
“We are celebrating each other’s festivals in the spirit of social relations, unity and togetherness. There is no problem in doing this and we have been doing this for years."

hahaha this reflected what i said before. i seriously think that those ulama have never experienced this uniquely malaysian experience. poor souls - deprived of joy.

so people, CELEBRATE this festive season with a lot of TOLERANCE, JOY and LOVE.

God bless u and keep u safe!

you must see beyond what you believe and walk in the shoe of those people you make judgement. our lives are shaped by our experiences. our experiences are never the same. that is why you must listen, learn and judge no other.

- taken from the book Geneva's Legacy-

inmates, we've got a crisis!

2006-10-14T01:33:00.000+13:00

i've discovered that my posts lately have been on some heavy and depressing topics. so here's something to break the flow a little. i found this today while reading The Star:

"Tampoi folks irked by water cut"

i laughed non stop when i saw this...din even bother reading the news. if u are from malaysia, maybe you'd have to be from semenanjung to get this, you'd know that Tampoi is the Johor version of Tanjung Rambutan which is a place known for the very famous psychiatric hospital. but when ppl mention one of these they usually mean the assylum not the town. (now that u've found out, please read the heading again keeping this fact in mind)

so imagine what went through my head when i saw dis heading! sorry la if this is mean, but the sight of a bunch of not- so- sane ppl getting irked about water cuts is just hillarious! to make it funnier you'd might want to add some funny/crazy org gila actions - in mine, every special one of them were standing at the gate of Tampoi Hospital cursing and swearing at the council. some even carrying pails n gayungs. hahaha.. ok i think i've laughed enough at the expense of tampoi folks.

but seriously, imagine if ur from tampoi n some one asks u the typical "oi where u from" question. man, you'd think before u answer. den if u piss d person off, all he/she has to say is "oi balik tampoi la u!" i guess this is the effect of generalization..

to the people of tampoi, i mean no offence. i hope u get ur water supply soon. dun go crazy over it ya! =p

"For me, insanity is super sanity. The normal is psychotic. Normal means lack of imagination, lack of creativity" - Jean Dubuffet-

to be...

2006-09-27T22:24:00.000+12:00

Arundhati Roy.

gorgeous, smart, brilliant! she puts every thing (well i'm exaggerating but bare with me k..i'm excited) i've been thinking about in a wonderfully written speech - Come September.. go download it and listen. www.weroy.org

Quoted from her speech:

"Donald Rumsfeld said that his mission in the War Against Terror was to persuade the world that Americans must be allowed to continue their way of life. When the maddened king stamps his foot, slaves tremble in their quarters. So, standing here today, it's hard for me to say this, but "The American Way of Life" is simply not sustainable. Because it doesn't acknowledge that there is a world beyond America."

Another Quote:

"But fortunately, power has a shelf life. When the time comes, maybe this mighty empire will, like others before it, overreach itself and implode from within. It looks as though structural cracks have already appeared."

its not everyday that you find someone new 2 idolize but thanks 2 my gorgeous miss indah, i found dis lady..what she says and how she strings all those words together is marvelous! listen to it. you'll realize that so many major events happened on SEPTEMBER 11, many horrendous events, but some how, only the one in 2001 made such major headlines. interesting right? listening to this further affirms my belief that the UN is, in the matter of peace, useless and the IMF is pure evil. well i'm in the mood for exeggerrations.

i've read her book God of Small Things..very, well intriguing to me but might be heavy n boring 2 some. but its a good book. how does she write that way?? genius!

i tink i'll leave it at that..i'm getting annoyingly chirpy so i'll leave my thoughts for another day. Miss Roy, i salute you.

Ma, when i grow up, i want to be like arundhati roy... owh darn i've got 2 write a good book 2 be her.

in memory and wonderment

2006-09-12T13:34:00.000+12:00

5 years have passed since that dreadful day - 5 long years and 2 despicable wars. have we learnt?

i admit the initial shock was huge..i mean who would in their life imagine that there would be some ppl out there who would attack the "world's greatest nation". but they did..but with all their planning etc, i believe they fail to notice that in that building and on that soil, there were innocent ppl of that nationality and other nationality that were effected..ppl who had nothing against them and also some who shared their faith..bad planning i must say.

please do excuse me for sounding heartless and for acting as if i don't care..i do..ppl lost life, the world's in a chaos and ppl are moving futher away from coming to an understanding because of this one event. besides that some particular parties purposedly uses this particular excuse over and over again to wage war in the name of democracy killing in its path more innocent people than that one particular event. yes ppl of america, i do sympathize with you and your great loss. that event was uncalled for and in my eyes and mind a very brutal act which have tarnished a name of a religion and also focused a great deal of prejudice towards millions of its followers who denounce that act of crime. but even you would have to admit that consequence of that event led to even more pain on a far bigger number of people. people who have been ignore of the past decade or so suddenly came under fire. their already bad state went further south with the war.

just like my external conscience, i believe that in focusing so much on that event we as a collective have ignored many seemingly 'small-no-wow-factor tragedies' that is plaguing our shrinking world. in the event of the Boxing Day Tsunami, where were the help that the indonesians, sri lankans, thais and the andaman island people so desperately needed? why was there a delay for the monetary help 2 come in to help rebuild these striken nations? why could the US so easily fork out money for military attacks on afghanistan and iraq but were slow in reponding 2 these ppl.. i do have 2 state that they did in the end fork out a great amout of money but my question is why the hesistation slight tho it maybe?where were all these harsh voices when people were tortured and killed just for the mistake of being different - example the genocide? where were you when kids and refugees were crying and dying from hunger?i know aids were given but yea why was the call to help this ppl not as loud as the call for the war on terrorism? dare i suggest (i'm being a tad cruel here) that the US did not give its own ppl the best care when Katrina hit? what happened there? there was a shortage of aid of many kinds wasnt there? was i wrongly interpreting the news and pictures? and did i wrongly read that the US rejected aid from certain countries?

i have a suggestion for all these warring governments and those who are planning to go to war: used ur millions n billions to help ppl instead! i've been told that it does wonders for one's soul and gives u peace.. u know there are hungry kids and kids who would love a chance to learn, not only in poor asia and africa but also in ur own backyard. give them that money..trust me, you'll be able to sleep better without wondering who's going to attack you next or which is the next threat that you'll have to extinguish. better still those kids u fed, they'll pray for u..for ur life to be long and happy..i know that war actually increases the economy (hey i read it in a text book k..i can show u if u want) but see in the long run, if u keep destroying other economies, who are you gooing to trade with?urself?

a final question would be this: why is it, even after such a tragedy, we fail to realize that our biggest mistake and problem lies in the fact that there is just too much prejudice in our world society? too much discrimination? all of us view strangers filled with doubts..filled with sentiments that in a blink of an eye this person would turn around and cause us harm..we think that every person, government and religious order has a propaganda or thgs along those lines. its sad that we've become such a tiresome bunch. no ones fun to live with anymore..

5 years has passed. 5 years that we could have used to unite. did we learn? NO. all we did learn from it was prejudice and hatred..

Humanity may have to find a way to leave this planet behind, but is there any guarantee that we won't repeat our mistakes on Mars? -Rose Ismail-

a good women

2006-08-23T16:52:00.000+12:00

right.. i gave in 2 temptation 2day and walked into whitcoulls when i was supposed to head directly to one of the sponsors..but u know its a good thg (or bad depending on your take of it) that i did, coz i found dis interesting book which had sumthg that jus raised my hackles.

the book's title is "what the chinese don't eat" by Xinran. there is nothing wrong 2 d book itself in fact i like the way she writes..the thing that caught my attention was in one of her articles. somethg about guys putting a certain kind of standard on what a GOOD WOMAN should be like. ok fine..so u have standards..i get dat coz u ceratinly do not want 2 jus any female version of tom, dick or harry..apparently it is a common standard so she listed it as her readers/ listeners tell her..

a GOOD WOMAN:

must not express her own view in public
must provide son to continue her husband's family tree
must not burn food and must not mix colours for laundry
must be nice and smile to men
must be good in bed <- there's a continuation to it dat i can't remember.

i din know whether 2 laugh or scream..ppl still do think like dis? wah and i thought dat "i want a gal wif long hair, who wears baju kurung all d time and knows how 2 cook n clean" was really bad. so i decided fine..lets at least make dis a stress reliever and c if I am a good woman under these standards..so here we go..

must not express her own view in public. owh wow..glad to say dat i fail miserably in this category..me sitting quietly and letting a chance to comment pass swiftly by??hah! dream on..unless i'm really sick or have no interest den i wont say a thg..well wat can i say..i've been brought up to speak my mind so u could say dat -following this ideal- that i have been brought up not 2 be a good woman..but den again so are many gals dat i know..are u expecting a gal not to have backbones and agree to everythg that u say?u still dreaming of the "u jump i jump" scene from titanic izit?if a gal can't express her views in public and the only person at home who would be an audience is a close minded man, y don't u just rectify the standard to say a gal should not talk at all? better still y not make it a law dat gal's tougues get cut of at birth? saves u d trouble of gals talking out of line doesn't it??

must provide son to continue her husband's family tree. right...ok personally no experience but hell! what do u tink gals are? breeding machine ar?and if i'm not wrong, i was told that its the guy's genes (or some other bio related stuff) that determines the gender of the baby.was it the cromosom?the X and Y thingy..yea dat sould be it. anyway, if science has proven that it's d guy, y is it that this is still placed as a determinant for a good woman? if u can't help continue ur family tree dun go around pointing fingers k..plus like d author said, how many boys do u want? at the end of the day, even u need to marry someone's daughter in order to get a son of your own. its also interesting that this perspective of having sons is not jus an asian thg. the western guys are part of this too..ah well jus let dis ppl have all d sons they want den at the end of the day i want 2 c if these precious sons would want 2 take care of their senile fathers or not.

must not burn food and must not mix colours for laundry. wah..dis also need 2 dictate ar?ok so far i have not burnt my food (1point for me) but i do chuck various colours 2gether in the machine n run it..unless i know d colour of d clothes fade la (0point for me)..not burning food..ok at least they din say the gal needs 2 prepare a cuisine but man..u men are annoying! cook for urself la..better still if u dun 1 burnt food, treat ur gal, as often as u would prefer not 2 have burnt food, to meals at restaurants or hotels..what's a few bucks for non burnt food rite??as for the laundry, simple solution..buy all ur clothes in one colour like Homer Simpson den no one will mix ur clothes..excuse me no gal in her right mind would spend ages doing laundry jus because there are 10 different colours of clothes.."ok now i'll wash blue, den green den purple" <--siao meh??

must be nice and smile to men. personally dis is the 'std' that i hated with vengence! be nice n smile 2 men? i got nothing better 2 do with my life ar? if i dun like u, and if ur rude, i dun care what gender u are i'll jus plain not be nice 2 u let alone smile..plus i've been 2 a co-ed school and the boys there seem to think that when ur nice 2 them that u dream of them and that d gals r miang..so are u, dear men, contradicting urselves? in one hand u want gals be nice 2 u..yet on the other u'd probably skin ur gals alive if they were nice 2 other guys..crazy! make up ur minds or maybe you should be at least more specific with ur standards. (note 2 men: amendmend needed for ur stds)

must be good in bed. the only thing i can say is : what d hell..man u ppl r a demanding bunch!what if the tables r turned? can gals throw u out of their homes coz ur bad in bed? "alert!:so and so is a bad man-he's bad in bed" c how funny n idiotic dat looked?

so in the end..after much self reflection, it is concluded that i'm NOT a GOOD WOMAN by these standards. thank God for that..sitting down owh so elegantly and being domestic and most of all shutting up and smiling all d time does not become me..i'd go nuts in a minute! i wish those guys d very best of luck in looking for A gal dat fits dis owh - so - stringent criteria. kampung gals oso not like dat k..halo dude, we r in d 21st century d, what d hell r u doing trapped in d 1400?

Sure God created man before woman. but then you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece. ~Catherine Swain~

wise man

2006-08-22T00:40:00.000+12:00

no man is old enough to know better -Holbrook Jackson-

so yea..in d midst of going crazy, being down and all melancholic, who would have thought that it would be a boy 5 years my junior who would actually tell me thgs that i as an older sister should be telling him.. funny that..

i have been a witness, over the past 15yrs at least, to somethg against what ppl believe in: that wisdom comes with age.

i'm not saying that those wise ppl are totally wrong..owh no..its just that we tend to forget that those younger than us do encounter things that we would never. i mean my sis and bro have gone through somethings that i never have encountered and would, incertain events, rather not encounter despite me being older. i mean i can even say that to some extent that i'm the more sheltered of the four..

since they have each had their own experiences, i've often enough find myself in their 'wise' council.. it was my sister that spoke to me when i doubted my dreams and it was my dearest brother that dragged me out of self doubt and being a misrable soul..the baby of the family? well he has always succeeded in making me laugh and also at raising my temper..ah well he is very much younger anyway. =)

so when i listened to ppl saying: aiya what do they know they r kids i feel like going up 2 them and saying eh listen and learn.. coz this is somethg my parents thaught me..how so? well my mom n dad asks of our opinions regarding stuff and also they make it a point 2 ask me when it comes to my younger siblings. it doesnt mean that you take d fella's buta buta..if u do den ur stupid la..like my mom always say: orang tu terjun bangunan u pun nak terjun ke? u listen and u weigh it and take certain stuff into consideration la..

we all have to realize that each person walk a slightly different path however similar it might seem and that along the way, that person sees and experiences different thgs. like how my success or failure would be different than yours..because there are so many other variable involved. like our dreams, surrounding, family and such. with so many variables involve, the outcome of it and what we learn from it all would differ slightly and it wouldnt kill us to acknowledge this.

this post does make it sound like i'm the less wise one amongst the siblings , huh?hey i did teach them stuff k..jus not those awe inspiring lifetime lessons but i taught them a few tricks nontheless. i am their big sis after all ;p

to my 3 musketeers, i'm missing our chat at d round table in d kitchen..

nations unite?? psft

2006-08-05T23:45:00.000+12:00

No culture can live, if it attempts to be exclusive - Mahatma Gandhi-

nothing much really, its jus that the news lately has been of hatred and vengence that i feel the need 2 remind myself that..i duno..i guess remind myself 2 look beyond my way of thinking and be more tolerant of others.

the various wars that are going on and the endless finger pointing are not only annoying but sickening as well. all this for what??? power and greed! those damn head of states should seriously take a step back and re-examine their purpose..but then again in saying that, the wars are pre-plan..

for so long i've been trying to convince myself that the revered United Nations have a purpose in our world society, that they are doing their best to keep us all together..blame it on optimism. i'm now, more than ever, convinced that they are just a bunch of puppets who's strings are controlled by one specific country. these people should be ashamed of themselves..out there there are tens of thousands of people dying due to various causes and this people whom the world community have faith in to help rectify thgs are jus a bunch 'yes-sir-kulis'. there are kids out there without food, without houses and dying of malnutrition..imagine we are producing so much food and kids are dying!

there has been talks bout kids being uneducated and the need of schools being built in the rural area. there are talks bout people needing medication. where is the United Nations then? where are the help when people need it most? what are we waiting for? another movie director or hollywood actor to go publicize it b4 UN can get off their asses and act?

where was the UN when the genocides happened? they only came in after the ordeal was over. where are they when countries are invading other countries regardless of reasons? what happened to the soveriegnty of countries? we make noise when ppl in cambodia are killing each other but where are all these noises when israel invades lebenon? everyone is going: yea well u know.....

is that what we've resorted to? saying and believing some thing is right just because they've got control over a large economy? we leave our back bones at home and let people decide what our ideology would be. man if ur not going 2 use dat back bone go donate it to an invertebrate i'm sure they'll find some thing more worth while to do with it.

these wars against each other..the konon-nya road map to peace..aih, in the end the UN is made up of politicians after all..and what are they good at?: talking and no action.

know the malay idiom: bersatu teguh, bercerai roboh?

rite now our world is plain roboh-ing

my politics

2006-06-19T17:00:00.000+12:00

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time and your government when it deserves it.
– Mark Twain –

So…in the 2 weeks that has become my hell on earth, 2 very interesting topics have popped up on home front: 1) Dr. M criticising Pak Lah 2) the Ulama’s of Malaysia says that Kongsi Raya erodes faith… well I’m sure that there are many more interesting news like who married who and stuff but yea I like these best…more controversial don’t you think? =)

The most mind boggling of the 2 to me is the Dr. M vs Pak Lah situation. Well for most of us we’ve grown up knowing Dr. M as the boss – lots of Malaysians love him and there are those who don’t love him as much. Well I love him. Say what you want but that is one human being that I tink has guts. I mean look can u ever imagine our country being lead by another person and getting to where we are? I personally don’t think so. That old man not only boosted our pride, ego and self confidence but he PUT us ON the Map. He made people listen to us. The big guns finally realized that owh there is a country that’s in between singapore and Thailand (seriously people, u think you are so civilized but you don’t know the use of an atlas? If that’s so hard just type www.google.com)

It is because of he’s no nonsense - I - couldn’t – careless – what – you – think – of – me – but - I’ll – still – give – you – a – piece – of – my - mind attitude that the first world nations paid attention to what we collectively had to say. They placed us one step higher than being the manufacturing point of their household goods. Because of he’s attitude we, as in Malaysia, have a fan base – 3rd world nations and Muslim countries alike. They want to be like us (owh god am I a narcissist or what.) – in a purely economic and political sense. We’ve set an example to a lot of them considering that Malaysia is a much younger country and at the same time a more diversified one. See we actually do get to bask in the glory of being Malaysians.

Having said that I’ve got 2 say that I’m a bit upset with what is going on now. I mean as a Malaysian I do value what he has 2 say. He usual has some valid points. But then again, there is part of me that says, this is an old man who has been in power for as long as I’ve lived – making him the longest serving PM in the world (if I’m not mistaken). Not meaning it as an insult to him, I think that he has a bit of a power withdrawal syndrome. And than to see a guy, who is so not like him, do stuff that he would have done differently would really make him a bit insecure. I mean put it this way. You’ve been arranging the photo frames in your house your way for a long time and then say your bf/gf comes in, lives in your house and totally rearranges it. How would you feel? And than there is another person implying that you haven’t been keeping your house well before your bf/gf moves in and that ur bf/gf has to make do because of that. Won’t you want to tell your partner off and than proceed to chop d other party (d one dat implied stuff) into pieces, make them into curry and feed them to d dogs?

From where I’m looking, thousands of kms away and out of the heat of the moment, it is a simple matter. We have got to realize that no two people are the same therefore no two people lead the same way. But that doesn’t make one better than the other. From my observation, unlike Dr. M who is very vocal and in your face, Pak Lah is the more soft spoken kind (steel under velvet if you must) but that doesn’t mean that you can trample all over him. That guy has got determination and tonnes of faith. It is because of the fact that he doesn’t openly slam you that many people have enormous amount of respect for him. It takes some time to actually see that he can lead our country of 26million.

What all of us, Dr. M included, has to realize is that the times are different and so is the purpose of the government. During Dr. M’s reign, we were part of the unknowns so the point is to raise ourselves and prove ourselves to get those thick headed big shots to notice us and have respect for us. We’ve done that coz we have gotten the attention – both good and bad. We are moving forward, we’ve got fantastic landmarks and lots of our people are known worldwide. Now it is time for us to do, for the lack of a better word, some spring cleaning. It fits Pak Lah’s personality perfectly. We are trying to reduce corruption and we are embarking on plans to be better people. I’ve always believe that if you are comfortable with what you are doing than you’ll do it well. Pak Lah seems to me to be a kind of person who is particular about the ‘spirituality’ of the nation. If that is what he believes than we’ve got to give him a chance to prove it. I think he’s done a great job considering he puts he’s grief second to the nation’s well being and I think we did not give him enough credit for that.

So just to sum that portion up, I think we should be less critical of our current PM, our ex PM has to realize that he’s no longer in power (it breaks my heart to say that) and we all collectively should take into consideration what both parties have to say coz I believe they would really help each other.

Now to my favourite part of the day : criticizing people. The ulama’s of Malaysia have recently said that Kongsi Raya has the potential to erode the faith of Muslims in Malaysian and such joint celebration should be discontinued. My initial reaction was : WHAT THE HELL???? Really man..i’m still wondering what they’re thinking about… I mean as far as I remember I did not go with the nyonya next door to the temple to pray on Kongsi Raya. I still went to the mosque. I do not eat pork on that day and I certainly did not go and change my religion. I dun think the nyonya did either.

I really wonder whether those ulama’s have been to a kongsi raya open house before. Coz if they have they would realize the scenario is often this (well my example would be my nyonya and my family)

Nyonya: hai hai!! Lai masuk masuk…semua ade kat dalam rumah tu…*shouts for maid to bring drinks*
Me: Nya, Happy Chinese New Year..
N: ah trime kasih…nah makan makan (drink: f&n, food: kuih kapit, various cookies – homemade man!, tonnes of oranges)

*note: my nyonya memang speak malay one – the baba nyonya kinda malay.

So we eat drink chat (gossips and such), den when we are about to leave she gives us ang pow..woohoo!!

An almost similar scenario happens when I visit friends for deepavali and christmas. Just change the menu a bit and skip the ang pow.

So, besides the fact that gossiping and over indulging is wrong, where in that scenario did my faith in God got eroded? I still go home believing in God and after 20 years of celebrating Chinese New Year and Deepavali and Christmas with friends I still do. And it’s the same for my friends.

To me what the ulama’s statement really said was this: we do not have much faith in the faith that Malaysian Muslims have in God. We believe it to be shaky and that celebrating with friends would cause them to disbelieve. And to these ulamas I have only one thing to say: THAT IS BLOODY INSULTING! I mean I know I’m not the most religious of people and that the ulama’s knows tonnes more about the religion than me. But to imply such things is just unacceptable. Not only are they generalizing those whose not as religious as them, they are insulting people who are as religious or more religious than them. My grandma for one celebrates Chinese New Year with our neighbours and until today she still keeps reminding me to pray and have faith. Not only that the ulama made me ashamed that they are so, in my words, culture-phobic. As far as I know, my religion teaches me to respect all people regardless of their religion and race. Isn’t celebrating alongside them saying that though we are of different religion, I respect you? Doesn’t it show that my religion is one of love? Besides the Quran states that “to them their religions and to us our religions”

Haih really, how petty can these people get? That money spent on that ‘meeting’ I believe should have been better spent trying to figure out how to minimize the damage done to the name of the religion by the stupid terrorist. Where were their criticisms when these people mass murder people? Didn’t God say murder is a sin and suicide is unacceptable? They should have also used that time to figure out a way to approach troubled teenagers and help them thus reducing our social problems. Rather than screaming and belittling the kids – like the ustazahs love to do, these people should work on better communication with kids. I mean I tink it would be more worth our money if they gathered all those ustaz and ustazah and thought them manners and a little communication skills that does not include insults. They could have discussed so many things that could positively affect the country as a whole but instead they chose to discuss such a petty matter.

These people have the means to do a lot of good things but instead they chose to be so critical and so discriminatory at times that no one would like to approach them. If they did it differently, say be more approachable and calm and nice as opposed 2 be so abrasive and judgemental, a lot of good things could have been done. I mean I know a religious teacher when I was a kid who did not make anyone feel like a sinner. I’ve yet to meet another like her.

The point is this: celebrating Kongsi Raya does not equate to losing faith in God. It does however equate to the fact that though we are of different religions, I acknowledge you as my friend, my countrymen and my sisters.

“O mankind, we created you from a single pair of male and female and made you into nations and tribes that you may know each other, not that you may hate each other.”
- Quran-

Do i know u???

2006-05-30T18:10:00.000+12:00

Ah, now I have learned how deep in the human heart vanity lies, vanity which is the other face of the fear of being unloved

~Chitra Banerjee Divakurani in "The Mistress of Spices"~

have you ever wondered if those you call your closest friends know you? no i dun mean the hi - i'm - so - and - so - and - my - fave - colour - is - black know you but more like knowing your likes, dislikes and would likes. do they know your dreams or your fears? or maybe a simpler question would be this: have you trusted ONE single person enough to let her/him know the PRIVATE you?

i've sat wondering if my friends even know me..i mean for a lot of us we portray/ present ourselves based on society's expectations - be it in accordance to it or a total opposite of it. i know this for a fact coz i do have this huge facade thing going and i know tonnes of people who have bowed to these restrictive expectations (but society will have 2 wait for a later topic k). back to portrayals. we seldom have the courage to speak our minds and often when we do, its just a reflection of a set of ideals ingrained into a society we live in. our whole life seems to be this huge theatre production. we painstakingly build an image and do regular updates and maintenance to keep it minimally flawed (come on, you should have already accepted that no one's perfect by now). we do take this heavy and burdensome costume of ours off once in awhile but we'd rather not as it shows the vulnerability in ourselves.

it is like dis blog i keep. i write these stuff that seems important to me, stuff that i do on occasion bring up in conversations but mostly with close friends and family or well lets jus be truthful these topics usually come up in monologues with myself. my question would be if this is even important to me. how do you, as an external person, know if i truly care? maybe its just written so that ppl would view me as a person with principles and substance when i might just be a selfish airhead.

have you ever done something so truthfully you in front of your friends only to have them ask you : what the hell was that about? or u'r not yourself today mate.

honestly, i know that a huge bunch of my friends, close and not so close alike, do not know who i am. it is sad to actually openly admit that but it is d truth. i can think of 3 close friends, just to put a number to it, who has no clue as to what i'd really like to do with my life. sometimes i feel like saying that they choose to see me as a certain person but most of the time i think what they see is subject to my comfort. i mean a close friend laughed and grimace at the same time (if that was ever possible) when i mentioned that the 1st place i'd want 2 go n see would be india. not going 2 make that same mistake again.

the biggest problem with us human is the fact that we care, sometimes too much, about how people think of us. even the coldest person gets hurt. i guess it relates to what divakaruni has 2 say: the fear of being unloved. at the same time, our 2nd biggest problem is that often we r insensitive to others and we subject a lot of them to a set of ideals to conform to. when we portray this person, lets call it our public personality, we tend to attract like minded people. the more we act like our public personality the more our private self gets shut away, that is if the 2 are different. that private self who has on occasions have a say of how our life is run is now being ignored and we all end up being an unhappy finger pointing bunch. fair conclusion?

if we can't trust a person enough to show him/her who we really are, how sure are we that that person trusts us enough to show us their true colours?

and my question still stands: is there anyone who really knows the 'real' you or is life just a big complex game of charades?

walking contradictions

2006-05-21T20:36:00.000+12:00

how blind are we
yet how sightful
for the important we ignore
yet the petty prioritized

how careless are we
yet how careful
for the lives we throw
yet the gold we hold

how deaf are we
but how clear
cries of hunger we deny
yet the obese we appease

how cold are we
how lost
all our vengence we pursue
our duty left undone

"our lives begin to end the day we become silent of things that matter" -Martin Luther King Jr-

i'm a malaysian as simple as that

2006-03-20T00:35:00.000+12:00

for the last 5 years, i've been hearing the concept of BANGSA MALAYSIA being mentioned by almost every single politician in malaysia. one country, one nation, one 'people' (cant seem 2 tink of a suitable phrase). to me, this is the most beautiful of all of the concepts the ppl way up there can think of..imagine, a kid like me who's got God knows how many different races coursing through her blood can jus say when asked: i'm a malaysian. better still she wont be asked d dumb freaking question.

but sadly, for all this years, the concept has yet to be utilised ---> wat can i say, they ARE politicians arent they? to make matters worst they r politician running on the infamous MALAYSIAN TIME. so yea..here i am reading time and again about tonnes of people cheering on this concept but steps taken to make it a reality-zilch..owh dearest politicians and rulers of the country, HURRY UP ALREADY!

for ppl who hav never in their life heard bout this, bangsa malaysia is a concept where we r jus plain malaysian FULL STOP. its i guess a method to further harmonize this little country of ours and make all 26 million of us one big happy family..its like how the indonesians are indonesians and the thais r thais..i know it sound like a utopia but i believe its a beautiful concept..from my point of view its simple. we r a multicultural country. over the years all of our cultures seem to have seeped into each other: for example the ang pow thg and all. plus we've got tonnes of inter marriages happening. if its jus 2 races fine, d kid can go i'm chindian or my mom/ dad's somethg somethg..but imagine when this 'half' kid intermarries and so on..wouldn't it be a mouthful 2 try and explain what u exactly r?u'r partially lost at times between cultures and might end up not bothering to adopt any. so to make matters perfectly simple and not to alienate these poor souls, lets support Bangsa Malaysia!

the only place i can c this happening is down here in sheepland - 10 hrs by flight (courtesy of MAS) and unknown number of days by sea. here i c many malaysians proudly stating, when asked 'what' are they, that they are malaysian. not malay, chinese or indian but MALAYSIAN. if they do eventually state their race, it comes after d malaysian bit. it does make me glow..yea i'm weird i know but when you here a fellow malaysian proudly stating that she/he's a malaysian u'd be proud 2..malaysians here are bonded together regardless of race. its so refreshing to see it. i'm not at all saying that we are not gelled(is dat how u spell it?) together back home its jus dat when we r so far away, the gelling process becomes so much smoother - more natural. but of course there will always d typical i-hav-2-stick-2-my-race-or-i'll-die-of-blood-contamination kind of ppl but lets not pay attention to them shall we? i guess 2 me when this concept is up and running fairness and equality should not be a problem anymore, well it shouldn't coz everyone is of the same 'race' so to speak.

i have a feeling that this would still be a long time coming..haih..by then i'd most likely not be around to go up 2 d dumb ppl whose only concern was to know what my race is b4 even having a conversation - not liking the fact that i was an 'anak kacuk' as they put it..probably then i could go up 2 them and ask them: awak orang ape? den after they reply (reluctantly of course, since my question would be reeking of sarcasm) orang malaysia, i'd say: e'eh kita sama rupanye ye..

to the uncle at d shop near mmu: please la uncle, dun fight wif ur wife about my race, i'd rather not be quoted as the last staw dat breaks the marriage..

i'm mortal after all..yikes!

2005-10-31T02:59:00.000+13:00

when u r away from d ppl u love, u r forced in a short amount of time to accept their mortality.

this thought has been in and out of my mind for d past 2 yrs.. over dat short span of time i've been d receiver of bad news for a couple of times. i mean yes, i admit dat while i was at home i didnt take d time and effort 2 get 2 know these relatives well..i mean 2 me, they were my parents aunts n uncles - my grandaunt and granduncle whom i meet on occassion and the very ppl who keeps commenting on how much i've grown since i last saw them. i guess i took d fact that they were jus mere human for granted. i mean they were part of my family..part of my family's raya visiting list. yes d way i put it sounds really crude n cold but if u sat for a second 2 tink, ponder on this : besides d festive season n d annual visits, do u ever spare a second 2 think of them? most ppl would answer a plain no. for those who do spare them their thoughts, i take my hat off 2 u.

anyway, when i first arrived in NZ my parents were reluctant 2 tell me d 'bad' news..they still do actually but i guess my threats of being really pissed if i found out myself worked..i know they still do keep sum stuff but at least i get a bit of news..thanks momsy n popsy for d news and thanks for thinking dat i'm big enough 2 handle it =) well, i tot i wont feel anythg when i hear d news..as in d ones bout d relatives i'm not close 2..but d fact is, my heart drops at d very mention of it..den comes d flashbacks of either stuff the dearly departed did or of thgs me n d kids used 2 say bout them..den it got me thinking : man, thgs would be so different when i go visiting now..but d weirdest thg dat happens is dat i feel d need 2 be thr next 2 my parents, coz its them who feels d blow most. like when momsy's uncle passed away..d only thg dat was in my mind dat day was how was she coping wif it..being away feeling dis n not being able 2 do anythg except call home is no fun..

it got me thinking of how, in living my life, i've ignored a great deal of ppl..put 1 of my dad's cousin's kids in front of me n i'll tell u dat my knowledge of her is equal 2 my knowledge of d nxt stranger dat crosses my path.its embarrassing 2 admit this, but it is d truth. how many of us takes d effort 2 get 2 know our family members.i guess sumtimes u might be standing next 2 ur 3cousin without knowing it.its sad dat we've come 2 dis..we take more effort 2 know strangers den we do our families..and then d nxt thg u know is dat u've gotten D news. i guess wat Virginia Woolf says happens quite a lot in our lives..dis is what she said 'I have lost friends, some by death - others by the sheer inability to cross the road'

but yea..all d time in ur mind u tink dat u n ur family n everyone around u r either a) invinsible or b)immortal..u take dis fact for granted..or rather i do, until now..i mean yes i still do take it 4 granted most of d time but..well lets jus say i'm adjusting d idea of mortality ;p

[i wrote dis 2 yrs ago after visiting my lecturer in d hospital. to Mr. Jeya : sir, i hope u r feeling sooo much better =)]

life..
wat is it anyway
too short to enjoy
too long to appreciate
i watch each day pass
as it'll never return
i wait for tomorrow to come
but today seems to drag on
so wat is life anyway?

May God bless all of you, watch over you and keep you safe always.. =)

lets start a war why don't we

2005-10-13T01:15:00.000+13:00

WAR. The word itself conjures very ugly and destructive images.

Yes physically it destroys the country, environment and of course not to forget it destroy lives. However, if probed deeper, the damages that war does doesn’t jus stop there. It destroys the nation psychologically and emotionally. Well, if you haven’t already guessed, imagine carrying the guilt of killing another man or many other men for that matter on your shoulders. Imagine this: every single day of your life you’d be questioning not only the justice of your act but also whether or not the family of those you killed suffered. Well duh of course they suffered but you’ll you’d still be wondering if they managed to pull their acts together and survived the ordeal. Look at what happened to the Vietnam vets. Some of them lost their nuts completely. Besides that, I guess to an extent, you do get scarred emotionally. For example, put yourself in the shoes of the soldiers who lost the battle. You’d feel useless. You’ve just let your country men, who put so much faith in you plus trusting you with the honour of defending the nation, down. I bet you would to a certain extent like a failure.

The war is that bad. It destroys your conscience, your self respect, your dignity but most of all it kills the human in you. In its place, an animal is born… no, a being that’s a caste lower than animals. At least when an animal goes to ‘war’ it has a purpose, that when considered is befitting of its brain capacity. Weird that humans, who have time and again claim to be way ‘better’ than animals, seem to jump on every opportunity to go to war – the first world war, the second world war and now, the war on terrorism. On that note I really have to point out the absurdity of the WAR against TERRORISM. To me, being a younger and less knowledgeable member of the society, war and terrorism can be compared to like two sisters- different in so many aspects but they share the same set of genes. Terrorism is defined as organized violence to secure political ends. War is defined as armed hostility especially between nations. Notice the words violence and armed. So now can some one please explain to this confused being, how does one intend to solve a problem by letting fire arms clash with violence? Seems to me like it’s a lost cause or maybe it’s all a political drama to advert attention away from the more important things that has become trivial to the eyes of people who has all the power in the world? Why use the valued resources to destroy another nation only to turn around and say ‘oops’ when that resource could be used to feed at least a million starving people or even kick start at least 0.5 million new schools?

In spite of all that I’ve said, I still believe the lowest blow or the dirtiest trick to play is to go into a civil war… A war where two brothers fight against each other and countrymen kill each other when they should be standing shoulder to shoulder, back to back,
defending their motherland. Imagine living in country where every person shares an almost similar kind of culture. Let me explain. Take Malaysia for instant. There are so many different races that have very distinctive cultures. So distinctive they are that we tend to overlook the basic similarities. Take any race, be it Kadazan, Malay or Chinese. One of the first lessons that any child of any of this race would be thought is to respect their elders and view their elders with utmost respect. Besides, in a multicultural country like Malaysia, inter racial marriages is no longer a once in a blue moon thing. So its safe to say that an Indian could have a Chinese relative and so on. In addition to all that, when you are born and raised in that country, you’d do anything to protect it – even if the only thing that you are defending is the 1 square feet of land at your doorstep. So when a country goes into a civil war, all these people with the same believe and priority with the only difference being their political beliefs fight and kill each other. You’d never know that the person you killed so happens to be your dad’s mom’s second cousin’s great-grandson. You just killed a family member.

It is really sad to see the civil war happening in the Ivory Coast- such a beautiful name for a country ravaged by one of the world’s worst tragedies. I presume etched in the memories of many of Malaysian veteran’s is the picture of our very own civil war. This memory is passed on to the younger generations, or rather those who bothered to listen. It’s taught in school so that we young ones would be thankful. I’ve only just realized that I actually learnt something in those boring history lessons. Civil war is like a child killing his mother, not a swift instant death but it’s more like the child takes pleasure in torturing his mother and allowing her a slow and painful death - all the while standing by her side smiling at every tear that rolls down her cheeks and laughs at every cry that escapes her tired lungs. That is how low and sickening a civil war is. Many countries have gone through the suffering and torture of war. After painstakingly rebuilding not just the physical aspect of the country but also its economy, which I believe is harder to rebuild, I wonder why the leaders go to war just to destroy it all over again.

That brings me to the next question: why do we put our trust and loyalty in these seemingly stupid people we call leaders. Yes some of them are dictators who just refuse to budge from the oh-so-comfortable seat but then again there are those who are elected. Why are we allowing these modern Hitlers to take command and destroy what we painstakingly built? Have we not learnt our lesson? Isn’t two major wars enough for us? Such things should be pondered by these busy leaders, don’t you think? But then again maybe they are just too busy thinking about more trivial and petty matter like what to serve the President of the US for dinner. Maybe if they just pondered about it in the shower rather than sing in it, we’d have one less war.

today

2005-10-07T01:43:00.000+13:00

there are days when i'm silent,
watching, observing
days when talking seems trivial
today's not it

there are days when i'm loud
annoying, irritating
when getting attention seems essential
today's not it

there are days when i'm talkative
endless, mindless
when petty seems important
today's not it

today,
well today i realized
i've spoken more than they could bear to listen,
i've written more than they'd care to read.

today i questioned myself
the long overdue question:
did i ever just sat, and listened.

(28 december 04)

~meet the virtuous and think how to be their match. meet those not virtuous and examine yourself -confucius~

numb3rs

2005-09-29T03:34:00.000+12:00

i was jus watching a tv show jus now (really ppl stop calling it d idiot box..) i duno if any1 would know dis show : numbers..well most of the time i keep wondering through out the show y my maths teachers in school nvr made it as interesting as this..i mean they always make it seem so tedious..

anyway, dats all besides the point. the thg was, this episode was well partly bout dis murdered scientist who's working on a stats project 2 c d probability dat a kid in a certain area could be a winner..wait let me put it in a less complicated way. he's trying 2 do a stat dat could pin point which area (down 2 a single block) will 'produce' winners..in a sense its saying dat u r a winner based on d probability and is influenced by where u live..interesting rite? well d thg was, they were going 2 use dis pobability thgy 2 determine how much monetary funding should d area get..well say if georgetown pg doesnt have a probability of producing winner, den they would transfer d funding 2 another area that has potential..

it got me thinking.. i mean wat about people who are well like my family, who up till 7 yrs ago, were moving around? wat it a child has all the potential in the world, unluckily lives in a god - forsaken - non - potential area? wouldnt dat be a bigger loss 2 society? you are basically saying 2 d kid 'sorry kiddo u r at the wrong place' how could any1 in their rite mind deny a child every potential and possibility in life? its like b4 anythg happens, u take away the child's hopes n dreams..if they had this, i dun tink they'd be anymore oprah..so many great ppl in this world would hav a chance..dat will be depriving not only an individual but a whole society!

well dat scientist was killed by a genius of a kid who compared what he (the scientist) was doing 2 what d nazi's did..sumthg bout d theory of eugenics..hmmm..i'll hav 2 read bout dat.. but seriously..yes we all envision the world dat we live in as one dats all fine and dandy..but seriously, there's enough inequality as it is..to put a restriction like dis is to me, inhumane. its like condamning a disabled kid as a 'hopeless case' how would you know if dat kid would grow up n do thgs far more extraordinary den a normal kid?it all depends on the opportunity one is given and the opportunity one creates..tink of helen keller..

man i tink dat scientist tinks way 2 much..dats wat stats does 2 u - drive u crazy..maybe its a sign dat i'm unable to fathom it..

if this was to happen, i wonder wat will happen 2 me..

when all is bare..

2005-09-02T13:32:00.000+12:00

i'm jus pissed n tired of looking at whats happening in Iraq.mainly i'm sick of the whole war against terrorism..i've got loads 2 say but can't write it down..so i'll jus leave this poem i wrote at the start of it all - when america ATTACKED Afghanistan (yes they did attack despite all that they said)

they bleed,
they hurt,
they lose a limb.

we sit,
we stare,
not doing a thing.

they cry,
they fear,
they lose a dear.

we sit,
we stare,
not doing a thing.

we shout,
we chant,
we display our wants.

they cry,
they fear,
they lose a dear.

we walk,
we crowd,
we create slogans.

they bleed,
they hurt,
they lose a limb.

the bomb,
the blast,
destroys their home.

the news,
is brought
to the comfort of our homes.

and then its over
lives are lost

the land is flat
the buildings crushed
the hopes were dashed.

all that's left is
doom and gloom.
cries of sorrow
from hearts that's hollow.

in the end,
we sit,
they stare,
when all is bare.

where has all the humanity in human kind gone 2?

Happy Birthday My Darling Malaysia

2005-09-01T09:58:00.000+12:00

happy indepandence day ppl!!!!!!

i guess it has nvr really hit me so much as it hits me now that i'm in NZ. i mean when the parade came 2 penang, i saw no significance in it besides the fact that the police dogs were sooooooo handsome (to call a german shepard cute is just out of place).now that i'm here i wish i was home..celebrating this day with msians on homeground.maybe its just the sentimental me rearing its head.

i was reading the star online 2day looking at what ppl think of this country 26million of us call home. it was good to see how much ppl do actually appreciate Malaysia. yes we may not be the coolest country compared 2 the US(yeeesh..y can't i come up wif some other country) or not as pretty as NZ(such comparison is highly unnecessary right?) but its home..where else on the globe do u hear a std slang of english coming out of the mouth of different races?where else do you see mamak stalls where everyone could sit together comfortably regardless of ur status in life?where else do you see everyone celebrating the auspicious day of so many different religions regardless of the one you hold? man i miss the mooncake rite now..

yes there were times when it was bad.but we did learnt din we?there were times when it was so hard but we pulled ourselves 2gether.there were also times of heartache but i believe as msians, we know deep in our hearts that come what may, there'd always be sum1 there for u no matter what ur race or status is,we r previlaged enough 2know that thrs always some1 out therewho cares enough.yes i believe it is a previlage..so what if ppl do not know where on the map are we located. so what if ppl dun know what language we speak..so long as we know, so long as we are proud, that is good enough..thats the 1st step.

well Malaysia, on ur day, i'd like to thank u for everythg i've experienced..thanks for the countless opportunity..on this day i pray God will continue to watch over you and keep u safe. may He continue to bless u in the many ways that He has. and know, that when i speak of u, i'd do it with the pride of a grateful daughter.

Dad =)

2005-06-20T16:53:00.000+12:00

i have a tiny feeling that a lot of us are guilty of one common evil : putting a higher emphasis on mom as compared to dad. well to a certain extent that is. dun get me wrong my dad's my guardian angel..always will be =) (i'm guilty of being a daddy's gal n loving it..hehhe..but i still hav 2 share d position wif my sis)

well the thing is this : when the general population has a problem, the problem solver is usually mom. its the most logical position dun u tink? mom's the person who spends the most time wif the kids. plus mom generates a warmer persona..well most moms that is. well when i speak 2 a lot of people, they rarely hangout with their dad (i find that a bit weird) and that their dad is an enigma or just 'lord-of-the-world-plain-unapproachable'..well dat is the case sometimes but i figure like teenagers, we usually misunderstand our dad.

take the no dating approach dat most dad takes. sit down and think : our dads were that teenage guy once. they know what goes thru these guys' minds. and to daddy dear, u r still dat little toddler laughing everytime he makes a funny face. to tell u d truth my dad usually get our age wrong..i believe he does it on purpose..he sent us all to our rooms when an r18 show comes on..me included n i was 19..hallo! hehehe..well back to that, i guess instinctively, dad's are made to be overprotective.that's how a lot of us grow up sheltered and 'safe'. =)

another factor that leads to dads being non available is obviously the fact that they work.they have this need to provide their kids wif more than what they had during their childhood years - even if it means sending you to music lessons. some dads are such workaholics that they are rarely home. so that's why i've been asked the question : now u tell me how do i spend time wif dad when he obviuosly dun have any to spare. good question - i dun hav the answer.

i am a strong believer that families should stick together and they come first. and a lot of times i'm guilty of taking this to the extreme. but aren't they the very people who knows you all of your life? the people who shares a whole lot with you? if there's a problem between family members, the last thing to do is shut them out. like my aunt said, at the end of the day if you stuff up, this are the people who'll guard your back. they'll be there and love you even if you are a monster. they are family.

this is a totally random entry but i feel that dads are under appreciated. but i guess mainly its because we usually remember mother's day as compared to father's day or maybe its just me..(first sunday or the second sunday..june or july? why cant they just give a specific date!)

well to my dad who would probably never read this, thanks for all d hangout times, the simple drives round d neighbourhood and nice long talks. but most of all thanks for being my best friend. God bless you and keep u safe always Pa.

heroes

2005-05-22T11:27:00.000+12:00

I was watching a tv show about 2 days ago that made me realize how the concept of heroes has been 2 a certain extent blown out of proportion…see u actually do learn from being a couch potato. ;p

Who is a hero to u? what makes a person a hero? Kids would answer – superman (or whoever is d new ‘man’ in cartoons these days) some would say the soldiers. The patriotics would say their leaders and daddys’ girls would say Dad. Well to an extent all these people are heroes.. but over the years the media has renewed the concept of heroes. They are no longer ordinary people. They are those who actually does somethg huge in the eyes of ppl.. like running into a burning building and stuff. I’m not saying that these people dun deserve their credit. They do. Hell they risked their lives! But this is the concept now. People who have medals are the new heroes. But there are ppl who does stuff who are never acknowledged less what they did has significant repercussion.

Did u know that there are people out there who have very little but are willing to share what little they have not only with a dozen of their own kids but also many other children who has no connection to them? Shouldn’t they be a hero? What about a mother who works 3 jobs 2 raise her kids alone? What about that girl I saw on tv that single handedly raise her siblings after her dad ran of and her mom died? Why aren’t they our modern day heroes? They sacrificed too, not much but enough. Why not make these people the idols of the society? I’m not saying that what they do is more noble than saving lives but they do this every day as opposed to the heroes that the media portrays who does a one time huge good deed. Besides nowadays being a hero brings about superficial love. Everyone suddenly loves you. They want to be u and with you. but isn’t it more important to be a hero to yourself and those who really loves you?

I have no right to criticise this coz I’ve done nothing myself. But to put an idea in the heads of children that u r no hero unless u do this and that is not right. How may wars do u need for all to be heroes? Aren’t people who help prevent the wars better heroes? Following our new concept, heroes are people who help get others out of misery so: How many need to suffer for one to be a hero?

simple joys~

2005-05-07T09:47:00.000+12:00

watching a small kid chasing leaves while ppl my age is getting annoyed with the leaves, i realize how much years have changed us. it makes us so uptight, less fun to be with. true enough we hav fun in other ways but we tend to forget simple things in life that actually makes it meaningful. we no longer find joy in just chatching tadpoles and collecting 'biji saga'. somehow or rather a visit to the park just to do these things was something to look forward to at the time. heck a short drive around the neighbourhood with my dad was considered fun - something we actually quarelled over. ;p

but nowadays the only thing that is superior in our minds are schoolwork, more schoolwork and more schoolwork. and then we tell ourselves u know what i have to have fun tonight. i need a social life. then u go into thinking what do i wear who do i find..in the end u end up stressing urself more than u have fun. u'll tell me that why stress out go walk in the park! well what about d muggers d rapist n such. at times i think me being so sceptical and overly cautious has restricted me a lot. but disregarding all this stuff would also be a stupid move.

but if u were to think about it even the grossest thing u did when u were young had relations to simple joys. pulling a prank on ur siblings, sneaking behind ur parents - this was exceptionally exciting!, eating a raw onion just to defy an adult - trust me at dat point of time it was worth it. but now tho sneaking behind ur parents still is fun, a lot of the other things are kinda out of question. catching tadpoles? nah... out grew it. see what i mean?

besides that, society has also placed a certain code of conduct by which we are to abide by. in this kind of situation u can do this but that is totally unacceptable. try laughing your head of at a formal engagement bet u'll get at least a few stares. that and selfconciousness certainly stopped me from joining that little girl from chasing leaves.

sometimes i wish that i own that particular part of town only to empty it and start dancing in the rain...

academically inclined?

2005-04-07T16:33:00.000+12:00

ever came out of a test feeling dat u know less den 1st day u stepped into class? ever receive a result of an exam dat u tink u did pretty decently only 2 get results dat signifies u din write a single decent answer? some how or rather, try as i might 2 avoid it, i always end up in dis situation..so when it comes 2 exams excuse my severe biasness coz me n exams parted ways long long ago..and it was a bad break up ;p

anyway in the light of exams, i sat thinking- when i should be studying (mystery regarding ltd memory space solved)- about the transition of methods of learning from practical to theory. or rather i tink i was thinking more of the emphasis society places upon students to acheive a higher grasp of the theory as compared to their ability to perform it practically.

in malaysia many are still apalled when they hear news that a high achiever chooses to attend technical school as compared to a science school. they also place university graduate way higher than polytechnic grads. i know many would say that its tougher to ger into uni than it is poly. well to look at it in another way, poly places more emphasis on practical work. so if you were to take a poly grad engineer and compare them 2 their uni grad counterpart here is wat u get : uni: able 2 grasp theory really well but 2 apply it not so good. so do u 1 an engineer who can read and analyse only or one that can actually work?

on a lighter note, i just found out dat the msian govt is putting in technical studies for kids who are not into academics. finally sum1 in the ministry who's practical. i still think that they should open the options wider. take nz for example there's media studies and stuff in school and kids have the right to choose the subjects they 1 2 learn. obviously they go through a stage where every one learns the same basics but after dat go crack ur brains in sumthg u like. in a sense thr's less dictation on wat kids should do.

now dat i've cleared dat out, i got more brain 'gigs' (sorry science ppl i din study bio so duno wat its actually called ;p) 2 store my comlaw facts in ;)

~being there~

2005-03-11T14:12:00.000+13:00

sitting here my mind is blank
devoid of feelings, lost of words
for only u reside here now
only to u my thoughts revert

i wish by ur side i sat
speaking softly
watching u close

miles away i feel ur hurt
ur pain, ur gloom
envelopes my heart

wat can i do
wat can i say
not even a hug
not even a smile

i wish i was there
where we usually sat
laughing or crying
in company we sat

so big a gap
of 3 different seas
my sister i wish
i was there for thee..

if any one would hav said to me a year ago dat i'll miss dat brat so, i would have laughed and scorned.

the lion man

2005-03-07T09:48:00.000+13:00

i'm in uni and i'm a bit lost. its kinda weird considering the fact that for the past 3 semester i always had the intec ppl sharing a class wif me. this means that during the prolonged break between classes i always had sum1 2 sit wif. but this sem i decided 2 go solo. hehehhe i only share 1 class wif foong and dats it.so here i am sitting in front of a comp coz i forgot 2 bring my story book typing dis.

so anyway, i was watching this thing on tv about a lion man or sumthg (thr was no other show and i was bored) anyway dis particular show told about a lion they brought over from africa. the thing that actually grabbed the attention of dis not- very- animal- friendly person is the fact dat the lion was homesick for africa. it got me thinking. we humans always think that we r doing the rite thing be it for ourselves, another human, another country (the bush war but lets jus not get me started on that) and animals. so i was wondering: how rite are we in the matter.

i believe the heart of this so called lion man is in the rite place. i'm not at all critisizing him for actually torturing the animal coz from my perspective the 'cages' were huge. but consider this: for an animal that runs and runs and has the freedom of endless space in their native land, wouldn't a cage, regardless of its size be very restricting? for me personally its like comparing my room 2 a tent-not sumthg i'd do a barter trade for in a million years. the other factor is this. correct me if i'm wrong. the weather in africa is as different as the sky and the sea to new zealand. even we humans who hav the 'superiority' of mind could not handle changes very well.the change of weather from malaysia 2 new zealand was enough of a throw. if it takes us time (although it might not be long) to comprehend and come to terms wif this difference, i wonder how long it'll take them. besides from wat i learnt in school, each animal's built is meant to suit the condition of their surrounding. imagine putting a polar bear in malaysia or new zealand for that matter. man that would be way 2 much fur!

so still the question stands. how rite are we? we 1 2 help them survive the ravages that our fellow men hav been doing to their habitat. but is this the rite method?? keeping them in cages, transpoting them to totally different environment and showing them of in front of ignorant crowds who points and jeers. it doesnt take the smartest human being to feel ackward and disturbed. when one is so used 2 the peacfulness of the wild, added wif a great instinct to protect oneself, stares and jeers would be a huge discomfort to say the least. i know now that its almost impossible or rather it is impossible to stop wat our dumb and sadly ignorant counterparts (tho i rather not acknowledge them as counterparts) are doing to the environment but still is there a way 4 us 2 help besides uprooting animals from their 'comfort zone'? i know there are endless national park and stuff, for which i praise the sensitivity of the respective government, but that itself wif its warning signs does not guarantee that no illiterate idiot will come in wif a gun or a chainsaw in hand.

i cannot speak for everyone but i can personally say that i fear many of this animals (my parents would say i fear even domesticated animals), unlike my parents and siblings, and if i can avoid it 1 nothing to do wif them most of the time. but i always have this curiosity of how we always expect animals 2 adapt 2 our living rather than we learn 2 adapt 2 them. in malaysia, many look at the tigers wif disdain. considering it a serial killer of sum sort, looking at the cases in the papers, tho i tink humans hav done more killing. but if we consider it i tink we've killed a great many tigers jus by starting up a new area code. its really sad 2 see a majestic animal like d lion sitting dejectedly in one corner of its grassless cage staring into nothingness wif a guarantee of a repetition of this same day for the rest of its life.

i believe wat we are doing by keeping animals in the zoo or some of the 'conservation places' is to promote human dependency amongst the animals. they lose touch wif the nature, they lose the ability 2 live the way God meant for them 2 live. ultimately they lose the spirit- a spirit that actually make the jungle/ sahara/ the opens african lands wat they are- lively, animate and different. taking in this light i'd say, y should i go out of my way 2 look at a tiger when it has the attitude of a fat domestic cat.

to zahidah who loves animals so, i never told u but i had always respected ur love for animals and ur dream of working wif them in their 'comfort zone' rather than urs.

minority..

2005-02-01T21:20:00.000+13:00

u know wat a long weekend and a healthy dose of the news do 2 u? simple it puts tonnes in ur head.. ok so u see for a few days the news was about the anniversary of the liberation of Auschwit ( i seriously duno how 2 spell dis) camp - one of d nazi's gas chambers.

so i was thinking. ppl react when they hear news bout the minorities wherever they are in the world are tortured, ignored or belittled. we, the world as a whole, spit on the faces of the nazi. but where were this spitting ppl when it was needed? why didnt any1 do anythg that could have changed history and cause less pain? why didnt any group in germany stand up against dat short vege farmer dat became their leader?interesting isn't it? but well maybe they saw him at that time as a breath of fresh air. dun get me wrong i dun mean that they think he is d best. look at it dis way. we malaysians for instance. when the japs came, we considered them almost a hero..we were ruled by the brits for awhile. total strangers to both our asian way of life n various religion so we had an uncomfortable period of time wif them. then the japs came-they were asians! better be ruled by asians den brits..or so we tot. so i guess the situation was almost similar. true?

alright another tot. i always comment when ppl hold no regard for the minorities. for example how the red indians, abos are at a disadvantage. den i tot. eh wait a minute, i'm thinking of all dis ppl wat about d orang asli in malaysia itself?when did any of us, myself and a whole bunch of ppl i know ever spared a tot for them? sure the unis in malaysia have researches n the gov help them n stuff but how come we hav nothg 2 do wif them?i dun tink i know any orang asli. so are they at a disadvantange in our system? are they well taken care of like the rest of us malaysian? here in nz, we can see that the maoris n the pakeha live side by side ok. i mean thet maori are better of then the au abos i tink. but there are situations where rifts occurs. well no matter how totally welded everyone is, its seriously up 2 us 2 overlook the petty matters. hmm i hav 2 admit dat this has never crossed my mind b4. i tink i'm sure i've irritated a dozen of ppl or 2 by questioning discrimination against ppl who r different but i din realize the bigger picture, past me being different.

...organs...

2005-01-14T20:25:00.000+13:00

hahaha..really fast for a second post here..anyway i've got dis bugging question in my mind. no, its not d one about how deaf ppl learn how 2 pronounce. dis was answered patiently by yin's mom who was bombarded wif further question bout our education system relating wif the deaf (thanks aunty! :) ). apparently wat we hav now is not actually ideal - especially in the language subjects. but its being reviewed which is good.. but if d education dept is as slow as jpa, i'll give it about 2 years? hehe.. so much faith.

so back 2 dis bugging question. its actually about d blind. i saw d movie bout a blind guy getting a chance 2 c (forgot d title..but yas know d movie). how - if they ever - do the blind dream. u always get d question of whether we dream in black n white or colour but how bout d blind? i mean from d show i saw d complications how d guy couldn't differentiate pics from d original. they can only feel d stuff. how do they picture it in their mind? what is d world in their mind?

since i'm dis question buss might as well ask dis question n be done wif it. u know when we relate feelings in english, it is always connected 2 the heart. my heart aches, my heart felt like bursting bla bla.. but in malay, it is more related 2 the liver i. e hati. sakit hati, kecil hati bla bla. but seriously do we really feel all d feelings dat we claim we do in either of these 2 organs? do ur heart really ache or do ur liver really shrink? hehe..stupid question actually but its jus dat y do ppl actually say that n who came up wif it and y? i mean i dun tink dis 2, tho major they are, organs hav any feeling nerves on them.

hmmmmm...ponder, ponder.

~in loving memory of the tsunami victims of 26 Dec 2004

2005-01-13T22:50:00.000+13:00

interesting dat i'm doing dis really.. based on d title its jus pure randomness..won't be writting much here..most probably jus post poems.. well those i 1 2 share only actually..so 2 kick it all off, in light of d recent tsunami, dis is one for those who died, those who basically suffered..

it was a wet afternoon here down under
it dampered the spirits who longed for warmth
so ignorant we were, so shallow.
you were there weren't you friend?
you stood dumbfounded by the beautiful shores
she charged at you didn't she?
that dragon from the sea?
what flashed thru your mind then friend?
could time have been on your side i wonder.
for that dragon was a hungry one
what you felt i would never know
the memory flashes, the sudden fear, the silent farewells
she spared you not thet wondering beast
cared she not for the oh - so - foreign land
she gobbled i saw, from the safety a far
her power none could resist
her roar made cowards of the brave.
did you try to swim my friend?
did anyone help?
did you know she stole from you your family?
that she stole from you your home?
you succumed to her like many others dear friend.
she went in triumph
and with her you went
your passing and hers shall be remembered friend
forever it shook us from our warm cocoons
the dragon of the sea is no longer a tale from lands a far
she stopped by, she visited, she went.
she'll be a tale of our land now friend.
a tale and a fear etched deep within..

"poetry wasn't written to be analyzed; it was meant to inspire without reason, to touch without understanding" - nicholas sparks

hehehe..actually criticism will be much appreciated ;p